i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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