Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
