We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
