Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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