All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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