when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
