Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
