like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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