I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I will die if light touches me.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
