Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
