i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
