A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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