Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
