Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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