Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
