I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
