last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
