I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
