She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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