I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
