I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
