I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
