My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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