Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
