I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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