he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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