things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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