Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
