3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
