Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
