singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
