I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
