After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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