WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We left the knife in your bed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
