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The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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