Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
