I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
