Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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