Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
