Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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