Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
