You really coming over, don't trick.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
