3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
