I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
