i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
soo... how was my night?
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