I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Two words: nipple clamps
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