how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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