Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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