My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
