Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
