Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
