My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
