i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
