Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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