Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Drake has all the answers
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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