He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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