look no pants
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
