I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
