On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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