WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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